Some people were asking / telling me, “how do you have a great relationship?” “You are very lucky to find somebody so amazing.”
To them, I would like to say,
healthy relationship exists
because they take empowering action that leads to healthy relationship.
In other words, unhealthy relationship exists because people take disempowering action that leads to unhealthy relationship.
Hence, my relationship does not happen randomly. It happens because my partner and I make sure we are taking action leading to “mutually shared” ideal relationship.
I say, “Mutually shared” because you can never expect the other person to know what you want / what you are looking for because although they may have similar background as you, we all think differently. You cannot blame others for them not knowing what you want / love, You must express it.
I feel if you can think a healthy romantic relationship as a healthy business partnership, it may be easier to fathom the concept of this.
healthy relationship is like a healthy business partnership
1. Like a business partnership, both parties are independent.
They are not relying on each other completely; They complement each other. They take responsibility in their own happiness; they don’t rely their happiness to the relationship or the partner. They know how to create their own happiness. This is extremely important because nothing in the world is fixed. It is constantly changing. Therefore, if you are relying happiness externally, what will you do when it is gone? If you are dependent externally, you would have to be affected again and again.
Therefore, believe you are the creators of their life. Do not blame others or make excuses for your own individual unhappiness.
2. Like a business partnership, both are creating values in the relationship.
Both are taking action to build values into the relationship.
3. Like a healthy business partnership,
there must be a beautiful balance in receiving and giving.
If one is giving too much, one will feel depleted or wronged. If one is receiving too much, he / she will never be happy because they need more and more. Hence, having balance is important for sustainability.
Therefore, both parties must know their boundaries. They must clarify what their boundaries are. In order for them to know this, they need know themselves.
4. Like any healthy business partnership,
communication is very important in a non-judgmental open space.
They must co- create a space where they can be themselves and where giving opinion is allowed and respected. In addition, I highly suggest couples to …
- create common rules for communication
←helps to feel safe / no misunderstanding / feel honored and respected
example1 : not say “argument”, but instead say, “passionately exchanging ideas”
example 2: always hug after a “passionately exchanging ideas time”
2. create daily communication time
← like business, schedule a fixed time for communication.
3. give gratitude to your partner!
5. Like any lasting business partnership,
both parties must have the will to improve.
Growth – mindset is necessary because there will always be a problem in a relationship. If there is a problem and if you don’t identify the root cause of the problem and then the countermeasure, the problem will always be re-occurring. This is extremely exhausting and energy consuming to repeat the fight again and again.
Hence, both parties must have growth mindset to make sure they don’t repeat the same thing expecting different result.
6. To have great partnership,
both parties must have the attitude to learn from their past.
If they have huge burden from the past and have not processed it, it will reflect in their relationship. If you have been suppressing deep sadness, unless you start working on yourself, it will somehow affect and sabotage your relationship because you are not ready to have a healthy relationship.
How can you be ready to have a relationship with others, when you have not formed a healthy relationship with your own self?
Hence, let’s take time to reflect the past, learn from the past and take action accordingly.
If you have any question, do let me know! 🙂 🙂 🙂
I am certified NLP life coach.
I can definitely support you in your journey for your transformation!
I will be giving Power Couple Program in summer!
If you are interested do let me know!