How I solve my conflicts in a relationship with examples #realtalk 1

When I have ‘ clash of values / ideas’ with my partner,

I fill in my charts to solve the situation.

I hope my charts will help you in your relationship / self-discovery!

BEFORE WE START:

The necessary mindset to do this: 

 

1.

In any conflicts, it’s not the other person who has the problem. 

If there is any conflicts, it is not the other person. It means there is something you have not resolved yet; subconsciously,

you are still hurt in your past that whenever something triggers, you get affected and reacted to it

If you have no hurt, then you will be accepting. You will not be bothered by it all because it wouldn’t be affecting you.

The issue is not the other person, it is you

2.

Identify the root cause and solve from within 

Identify what exactly you are being affected by and solve from within. Do not wait for the other person to miraculously change.

Create countermeasure within your control and take action to it.

If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, do not give up solving the issue. #trialanderror

how to solve with example 1 

1. 

create a chart that has: 

outcome, current situation, current inner dialogue

 

2 Points to understand 

  • outcome: it is okay to write down what you don’t want. However, make sure to write down what you write down and clarify what you want.

“you get what you focus on” 

 

  • very important to clarify what your inner dialogue is

Inner dialogue = your thought pattern = mindset

 

Whenever you want to change your reality,

you always need to change your thought pattern.

 

Therefore,

identifying your thought pattern by clarifying your inner dialogue is the beginning

 

Example:

Screen Shot 2019-05-23 at 11.29.51 AM.png

 

2.

Start asking yourself,

“why” until your answer becomes vague 

 

Before coming to this you need to understand that ….

every action and every mindset you do / have

is because you want to achieve your highest value 

Screen Shot 2019-05-23 at 9.17.36 AM.png

 

Screen Shot 2019-05-23 at 9.18.57 AM.png

objective of this process :

asking “why” will help you understand your highest value

 

During this “why” investigation,

identify your … ; 

  • disempowering belief that you have learned
  • disempowering definition / association
  • highest value that you actually wanted to achieve

clarify and build your… ; 

  • empowering belief
  • empowering definition / association

 

How to ask “why?” 

  1. ask why until your answer get vague
  2. if your answer is vague, clarify it; make it specific

Example:

Screen Shot 2019-05-23 at 9.42.43 AM.png

 

My realization:

Before / Current:

Associating

good communication = smooth communication = nothing will hurt me

👆👆👆 I have learned this through my childhood. However, I dont want this anymore because it is exhausting.

Instead I want :

Associating:

good communication = making other person feel good = understanding loving space

 

3. 

Write down the consequences

of having empowering /disempowering belief 

 

Objective of this process: 

  • fuels your motivation to change
  • releases dopamine when you take action that resonates with the empowering belief
  • have a structure in imagining what your future will be
  • clarifies the action one need to take for the better future

Screen Shot 2019-05-23 at 9.58.07 AM.png

My realization:

By writing the “action”  I, personally, feel empowered because I can take different approach while also meeting the same value. I feel this is better because I feel lighter. I can’t wait to take action

 

If you have any questions, do let me know!

If you want to have support, do let me know!


 

Regarding 1 month intensive Power Couple Program in June ~ July 2019

https://www.feelonenesslove.com/power-couple-program?fbclid=IwAR15YQeqZ5hTOUqFVJd7fOyJfbxXN60_APrBeVR-v0ebHp4TVKG4mu_2TmM

 

Regarding 2 months intensive Self-Transformational Program

https://www.feelonenesslove.com/self-transformation-program


 

== About Lin ===
Lin is a professional NLP certified life coach who she acquired both life coach certification and NLP practitioner certification. She is currently acquiring NLP master practitioner certification.

Her mission is to

1. To create a loving non – judgmental community where people can truly be themselves even in the first encounter
2. To give opportunities for people to self-reflect so they can feel lighter and focus more on their exploring their purpose

 


Click here for the video for this blog

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s