4 techniques to create healthy boundaries

I used to be somebody who did not vocalize even when my boundaries were crossed

BEFORE,

  • I was hated on so much that people I don’t even know were sending new friends (on Facebook) how I am a bad person.
  • My ex also received anonymous message in how horrible I was.
  • People that I never talked to were making false vivid rumors about me. (lol)
  • One person introduced me to others as a whore. (Everyone was shocked and I was obviously shocked. I was in shocked that I just laughed it off)

How I responded at that time was I did not say anything because I thought people were generally weak so they needed a black sheep to feel united or superior. I rationalized the situation.

However, because of this experience and from other experience, I have realized the importance of vocalization. I started to vocalize myself.

I did not know this technique at that time, but here is something that may be interesting!

Talane Miedaner who is an author and a life coach, introduces 4 step communication that support you in protecting yourself from unpleasant comments.

Screen Shot 2019-08-20 at 8.48.50 AM1.INFORM in a neutral voice 

“Do you realize that you are yelling?”

“Do you realize that comment hurt me?”

“Do you realize what you are doing is inappropriate”

If they continue to do with unwanted behavior …

2. REQUEST in a neutral voice 

“I ask that you stop yelling at me now.”

“I ask that you only give me constructive feedback”

If they continue to do with unwanted behavior …

3.DEMAND in a neutral voice 

“I insist that you stop yelling at me now”

If they continue to do with unwanted behavior …

4.LEAVE

 

*** in a neutral voice becomes crucial. Having calm, flat voice is important.

Stating your boundary as immediately as possible is extremely important when you realize your boundary is not respected because …

  • the less likely you will end up complaining
  • the less likely you will be in a more complicated situation.
  • the more you will not stuff yourself with unresolved feeling / emotion / thought

 

Some people may be concerned about how others may perceive you as. They are worried whether people will think them as “sensitive”

If they say that, do not worry. It is okay to be sensitive and to be treated with respect. People who truly care for you will not label you as sensitive. They will find you more respectable because you are able to respect yourself.

 

Screen Shot 2019-08-20 at 8.24.22 AM

Moreover, when vocalizing is, do not vocalize from the state of fear / anger.

This is because when you are vocalizing from the state of negative emotion, the other person will get more defensive or label you as crazy which does not resolve anything.

This is important because when I first started vocalizing, I was in rage.

I was literally vocalizing through the mentality of, “You want to fuck me? I will fuck you up even more”

This mentality usually comes from suppressed emotion. Many people do this unintentionally.

I hope somehow this helps!

Many people come to me for issues of vocalization. They are not aware of it, but it turns out to be lack of vocalization issue. If you are one of them, you are not alone. It is okay!

 

If you are serious in self-growth, then,

apply for my free 90 MIN TRIAL SESSION to check

whether my LOGICAL or LOVING approach works for you

.

(Online / in person)

.

◉◉◉EMPOWER YOUR MIND, EMPOWER YOUR LIFE◉◉◉

https://www.feelonenesslove.com/self-transformation-program

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s