In order to have a great relationship, there is 1 thing that is recommended.
Dr. Tatkin, clinician, teacher, and developer of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy, emphasizes the importance of co-creating “couple bubble”
Couple bubble is providing each partner’s emotional ‘home’ or security
This means that if you partner insisted you on something, if you really care about your partner, you do it. This works the way other way around. Since, you know both partners will always be there for each other, you feel safe. You both feel that you have great balance of give and receive.
MY PARTNER PERSONAL STORY
I say, “You are so cute” and I look at him with so much love at whatever he does including some weird things like humping his hippo stuff animal. So, he feels safe to be himself. He feels safe when I accept everything about him
MY PERSONAL STORY
I appreciate it (I feel safe and more homely) if my partner recognize what I do for him. I vocalized that. Now, he naturally does it. I feel great and safe.
In my past, my father rarely verbally recognized what my mother did for him to the point, my mother was saying, “i feel like a maid” … (When I was little, since that was normal, I remember laughing at it. But, now, I don’t want to become like that) So, this is why subconsciously and also consciously, I would feel more safe if my partner recognize it so I will never end up like that.
Sometimes the things your partner may request may seems nonsense.
PLEASE KNOW that we, including yourself, have unhealed past that is affecting us subconsciously.
If your partner feels good / safe, then, you do it.
If your approach is, “I don’t care about others. But, I will do it my way” … it WILL NEVER WORK.
If it is something you feel are getting out of the line, then, you can make a decision of leaving the relationship or having a life coach, therapy or couple therapy to guide you through!
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